I could keep tweaking and fixing and adding and taking away from this story for the rest of my life, I really could. Everytime I go back and read through the story again, I notice things that I didn’t notice last time, I think of things that I didn’t think of last time. I did the best job I feel that I could do with my current level of writing skills, but it’s still hard for me to feel fully satisfied. Maybe there’s something missing, maybe there’s something that could have been worded better, maybe there’s some part of the story that could be stronger. Those are things I keep thinking about and I think about it even more when the prospect of having people read my story [and actually PAY for it] comes to mind. I don’t want to release a bad novel. I don’t want to release a novel that I feel ashamed for having written. I know Murder at the End of the World is bad or something I should feel ashamed of, but I still worry. It’s just part of my nature I guess.
So, yes, I could keep going back to it and changing things over and over and never release it. I could do that. But it would be a disservice to myself to do so. It’s true that part of why I write is because I enjoy it and I want to write things that appeal to myself first and foremost, but, ultimately, if no one reads my book, then there’s no point in having written it. I might as well just picture the story in my head and be done with it. So that brings me to today. I could go back again and fix and tweak, but I’m not going to do. I know there are things that I would fix and tweak if I did, but I can’t keep doing it forever. I want people to read and enjoy what I’ve written, I want to channel my writing talent into a writing career. I don’t want to be the guy who wrote I hundred novels and then just shoved them into the back of drawer, never to be seen again.
I want to be a writer and the only way I can be a writer is if I let everyone out there in the world see all the mistakes I’ve made.
This will probably be the last post I make before Murder at the End of the World makes its debut at last. I know, it feels like I’ve been saying that it’s almost here for a long time [even though it’s really just been about a week!] but it’s very, very close now. Tomorrow? Could be, if everything turns out right. But it is coming and now I’ve done as much with the story as I intend to. Wish me luck, everybody!